LIFE IS IN PHASES

 

I was thinking this morning..... last Tuesday I was privileged to sit with other parents at the graduation ceremony as my last child bows out from Senior Secondary school. Where I sat at the back of the expansive hall, I pondered in idle musings on how far I have come from being that proud father in 2006, taking his first child to school for the first time to being a father whose children have all left secondary school. Though it was my son that was graduating last Tuesday, I felt more like the real graduand because for 8 straight years I have been doing college runs and that was ending on that day. As I mused I recalled the popular saying 'Life is in phases, men are in sizes.'

Children education is like pregnancy that has 3 trimesters. Once conceived, there is no looking back until delivery. I reflected on my first trimester of School fees and recalled how I trembled back then at the thought of paying school fees for 3 kids in private primary schools. Somehow, God enabled me to meet the needs confirming the saying 'Life is in phases, men are in sizes.' In the mid to late 2000, my size was just right for primary school bills.

The second trimester, secondary school, ended last Tuesday and I am still in awe of how God had helped me through this phase. My size, again was just right for the phase. As I celebrated my freedom from seconday school runs and fees, my heart skipped a beat when the Guest Speaker, the Hon Commissioner for Education, Lagos State reminded parents of the graduating students that our school fees burden was about to take a big leap as they proceed to University, the third trimester. Really? How will I cope? I imagined. As my heartbeat raced, I heard a reassuring voice that says 'relax, it shall be well. Why? Because life is in phases, men are in sizes.' The God that saw them through primary and secondary school will see them through University.

Though the thought of the future may sometimes seem overwhelming, be confident that in every phase of life, God's grace is available to see you through. Don’t ever be overwhelmed by the phase you have not gotten into or underwhelmed by the state you are presently in, because 2nd Corinthians 12:9 says 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' Life is in phases, men are in sizes. Therefore maximise the phase you are in and enjoy your size of today.

Stay hopeful. God's got your back.

Happy Sunday.

......Just the thoughts of a certain Wey Mey

CATS IN MY THOUGHTS

 

I was thinking this morning..... As the day dawned on Thursday, messages of 'Happy New Month' had filled my phone. I was still replying to these messages when news broke of how the Ibadan residence of Yoruba right activist Sunday Adeyemo, better known as Sunday Igboho, was attacked allegedly by gunmen in military uniform around 1am on Thursday. One of his aides had said 'They shot at the cars and riddled the glasses with bullets. They even killed some small cats and arrested a bigger cat, believing Igboho might have turned to the cat.' Wow! What's happening in Nigeria? Even animals are no longer safe and are being arrested.

I couldn't shake off the 'arrested cat' story as the new month, new quarter and second half of 2021 kicked off. It seemed like it was raining cats and dogs in my head, but the cats were all over my thoughts like oil paint on canvas. It was a long and busy first day of the month. The back to back meetings stretched from 8am till 5pm that one could say I was busier than a one-eyed cat watching two mouse holes. As I sat back thereafter, I dozed off on the couch and was awaken by the sound of the TV. When I checked how long I had knocked off, my mind told me I just had a 'cat nap.'

As I laid in bed that evening, I remembered the words of Benjamin Franklin who had said 'all cats are grey at night' meaning in the dark, physical attributes are unimportant. Warri man say in times of war, dem no dey know fine girl o.

With half of 2021 gone, many may have achieved a lot and probably feeling as conceited as a barbers cat. While others may think nothing good had happened to them since we shouted happy new year. They want to speak out or even curse those responsible for their predicament, but it seems the cat has got their tongue. All I can tell them is to thank God.

As I began to finally drift into dreamland, I was resolute in my belief that being alive to see the second half of the year is enough to give thanks. You have not been arrested like Nnamdi Kanu or attacked in your home like Sunday Igboho. No one has killed or arrested your cat, so chill and believe that 2021 is going to end well. However, if you must achieve your dreams, do something positive today because like they say 'a cat in gloves catches no mice.'

Stay hopeful. God's got your back.

Happy Sunday.

......Just the thoughts of a certain Wey Mey

21ST CENTURY WIDOWS

 

I was thinking this morning.... while still enjoying all the messages from Fathers Day last Sunday, I was feeling like a superman. I thought this feeling would last for another year but as I made to walk downstairs last Thursday, I glanced at the TV and saw the headline 'International Widows Day 2021.' Really? Why would International Widows Day be fixed on the heels of Fathers Day? Are they passing a subtle message to men? But wait? Do we even have a day for widowers?

By definition, a widow is a woman whose spouse has died, but I learnt long ago that it is not physical death that makes a widow. The way a man treats his wife determines if she will see herself as a widow or not. A couple was attending a religious event when the pastor called for widows to come out for prayers. The woman stood up and was about to walk out when the husband held her back and asked 'I am here and you are going out as a widow?' She looked at him and said 'How am I better than a woman whose husband is dead?' Ahhh!

In this century, there are varied forms of Widows. The wife of a man that spends his days and night outside with friends or at work and has no time for his family is nothing but a 'Matrimonial widow.' A man that cannot provide for his wife and children and makes no effort to do so has turned his wife to a 'Economic widow.' What about those men that spend time at home but will never be seen in the company of their wives at social events, not even in church? They have made their wives 'Social Widows.' I heard of a man that has only been intimate with his wife 5 times in 8 years. Wow! When a man deprives his wife of intimacy and prefers to sleep with all sort of 'soyoyo' or 'Chidinma of the Super TV CEO fame,' he has made the wife an 'Intimacy widow.'

As the world celebrated International Widows Day, a United Nations ratified day of action to address the poverty and injustice faced by widows, on June 23rd, I appeal to all men that have been treating their wives unfairly and as such made them semi-widows, to have a rethink. Every woman deserves to enjoy the love, warmth and blessings that come with marriage for as long as the husband is alive. Anything else or less, will make her feel like a widow and God, we know is the defender of widows (Psalm 68:5).

Stay hopeful. God's got your back.

Happy Sunday.,

......Just the thoughts of a certain Wey Mey

FATHERS ARE MOTHERS

 

I was thinking this morning.... I remember an incident early on in my married life living at Ogiyede area of Warri. One night, a neighbour woke us up at about midnight to help take the wife, who was in labour, to the hospital. I rushed out, brought out my car to pick them up. As the husband supported the wife into the car, she groaned and sometimes cursed. As they sat at the rear seat of the car and I started driving, the husband consoled the wife amidst her groaning, 'Sorry dear. Take it easy.' The woman's response shocked me. She spurted out 'Shut up! No be you do am?' Wow! What has the poor man done wrong? I imagined. Why are fathers seen as the problem? Why don't fathers get the same sympathy like mothers?

As I started having children, I began experiencing what fathers go through. First, I wondered why people believe only mothers carry the burden of pregnancy. Research have shown that fathers around the globe experience couvade syndrome, which is also called “sympathy pregnancy.” The symptoms of this condition are similar to an expectant mother’s symptoms and include altered hormone levels, weight gain, vomiting, and nausea. Yet, that pregnant lady told the husband 'Shut up! No be you do am?' Chai! Didn't she know that the husband was in pain as well? if a mother is person who gave birth to a child, then fathers are mothers. Hail them for me.

Some say men don't get pregnant, so will not understand the burden of child bearing. Really? The greatest officially recorded number of children born to one mother is 69, to the wife of Feodor Vassilyev of Russia between 1707 and 1782. That is nothing compared to Ismail Ibn Sharif, an Alaouite sultan who fathered 888 children with hundreds of wives and concubines in the late 17th century. Do you know what it takes to make one pregnancy, not to talk of 888 and support the birth of the children? Abeg, make una hail fathers for me.

In spite of all fathers go through, only 66 countries guarantee a father’s right to paid paternity leave, and only 31 offer 14 weeks or more. Nigeria and the United States are not part of them. Why? Don't they know that fathers are mothers? Don't they realise that children in homes without fathers are almost four times more likely to be poor? Yet, so many fathers are home supporting their wives and children, and still being treated like they are ordinary men. No. Fathers are mothers as well. Hail them.

As we celebrate another Fathers Day today, all I am asking is for the world to appreciate fathers who have been giving, giving and giving. Proverbs 23:22: "Listen to your father, who gave you life. You may call them Dad, Father, Papa, Piile, Popsy, Ba'ami, Nna or even Papilolo. Whatever it is, please just bless a father today.

Happy Fathers Day.

......Just the thoughts of a certain Wey Mey

17 MUSCLES

I was thinking this morning.... during my final year at the University, we worked so hard at our final exams and had very little sleep. By our beds, you will find sticky notes saying 'Wake me up at 2am', 'Wake me up at midnight' etc. just to ensure we were up on time to read. But immediately after our last paper, I returned to the room to find a sticker by the bed where one of my roommate was sleeping, saying 'Please don't wake me up, as my slap may offend you.' Hmm! This story came to mind after I watched the video where French President Emmanuel Macron was slapped in the face Tuesday by one Damien Tarel while greeting the public waiting for him behind barriers in the small town of Tain-l'Hermitage, southeastern France. As I watched the slap again and again, I tried to rationalise the motivation.

Damien Tarel had told the Court the reason for his action was because the president embodied France's decay. But why resort to violence? Why didn't he respond in a more civilised manner? My take is that he probably has heard scientists say that it takes 43 muscles to frown, 17 muscles to smile and 4 muscles to reach out and slap an offender. He was definitely not ready to use 43 muscles but 4.

A keen follower of the trajectory of Nigeria would've observed a reduction in our muscle application. First, as things degenerated and cost of living soared, people frowned utilising 43 muscles. As the problems persisted, wrinkles were developing and some having facial muscle pull due to persistent frowning. It's time to change strategy. Smiling engages fewer muscles, just 17, they reasoned. Then entered the era of 'suffering and smiling' with one poll describing Nigerians as the most optimistic in the world in 2011. 'Bohboh!' We were not happy but simply exercising fewer muscles by smiling with 17 muscles instead of frowning with 43 muscles.

Ten years down the line, Nigerians are tired of using 17 muscles and have sadly chosen to use 4 muscles like Damien Tarel of France. Little wonder for the escalating violence across the country. This is the wrong application of muscles. It is better to exercise 17 muscles smiling than 4 muscles in violence. As we celebrate another June 12 (Democracy Day), we must ensure that the labours of our heroes past are not in vain by working together to put genuine smiles on the faces of Nigerians. But, should you be faced with the myriads of problems in Nigeria, please choose to exercise 17 muscles by smiling at the future (Proverbs 31:25).

Stay hopeful. God's got your back.

Happy Sunday and Democracy Day.

......Just the thoughts of a certain Wey Mey 

CERTIFICATE OF SURVIVAL

 

I was thinking this morning..... about my graduation ceremony at the University of Benin (Uniben) in 1991 having spent four tough years at the Ugbowo campus. During this period, there were multiple students demonstrations and times of economic hardship that threw many out of school. We were threatened by cultists, harassed by corrupt lecturers and extorted by sadistic non-academic staff. We also had to endure the lack of basic academic materials to study hard enough to make the right grades to graduate. But las las, we graduated. Sitting at the Banquet Hall on graduation day, I was therefore excited to hear those words 'Having satisfied all the requirements of the University, you have been found worthy to be awarded this degree.' Phew! What a period.

After graduation, I never thought we would, again go through anything like the 4 years one spends at the University. But Nigeria politicians seem to have locked us into a similar 4-year loop, where you struggle to survive and at the end you get a certificate.

Enter the 4 years of GEJ, during which period many Nigerians were worried about the level of corruption. Corruption was so pervasive that many believed that anyone that comes out unscathed after his tenure will be deserving of a certificate of incorruption. Thank God we graduated and got our certificate.

The baton was handed to PMB. With the 4 + 4 years of PMB gradually counting down, Nigerians are buffeted by economic hardship ($1=N502) on one hand and pummelled by insecurity on another hand. Many that survived Covid-19, were killed by hunger and those that survived are threatened by bandits, kidnappers and separatists. One Azeez Ishola summarised it nicely by saying 'At the end of Buhari’s second 4 years in office, every Nigerian alive deserves and should get a certificate of survival.' Even Twitter couldn't survive in Nigeria.

Certificate of graduation, certificate of incorruption and certificate of survival. As it stands, we will keep getting a new certificate every 4 years for as long as we have these set of politicians running the affairs of our nation. But the most important certificate to look forward to is the 'Overcomer certificate.' Life itself is a never ending set of hoops, so forget the challenges, we will overcome them all. John 16:33 'In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.'

Stay hopeful. God's got your back.

Happy Sunday.


......Just the thoughts of a certain Wey Mey

HEARTLESS

 

I was thinking this morning.... about how heartless we have become as a people. Like many Nigerians, I watched the short clip of Nigeria Minister of Defence, Bashir Magashi giving a speech during the funeral of the late Chief of Army Staff and 10 other military officers, and didn't know what to think. The Minister while reading from a script, said 'the President wish to express his great displeasure ..... and heartless felt condolences to all the bereaved families.' While many saw the statement as a shocking grammatical blunder, I disagreed and said 'oga, no mind them. I believe you.'

I believed him because on Monday, the news headline was 'Over 100 killed in Benue as militia gangs sack four Council Wards in Katsina-Ala LGA' but no word from the government. Then on Tuesday yet another tragedy with the headlines 'Suspected herdsmen attack Jos, kill 19 persons.' Again no comment. But when on Wednesday, there was an unfortunate boat mishap between Niger and Kebbi states, the government spokesman surfaced saying 'The president offered his heartfelt condolences to the families of those affected by this tragedy.' Like seriously? Surely, it must be a heartless felt condolence.

My worry is not so much as the failure of the government, but how Nigerians are becoming heartless. Last Sunday a Nigerian soldier had flagged down a car at Eleme Junction in Port Harcourt and begged him for a lift to Ikot Abasi. On their way he shot the driver dead and stole his car. Abasi mbok! Days later, a young man at Oleh, Delta state was arrested for killing his twin brother for ritual purposes. What's going on? What have we become?

Now that both men have been arrested, I am sure they will beg for forgiveness and say to the relatives of the deceased 'Please accept my condolence, yes my heartless felt condolence.'

We must have genuine sympathy, brotherly love and a tender heart (1st Peter 3:8). It is only then we can express our heartfelt condolences rather than a heartless felt condolence.

Stay hopeful. God's got your back.

Happy Sunday.

......Just the thoughts of a certain Wey Mey