THE BURDEN OF LONELINESS

 

I was thinking this morning...... A week ago, I put a call through to a friend I hadn't spoken to in days who had travelled to his village for vacation. He informed me he wasn't feeling okay and was going to visit the hospital. Knowing that he was alone because his family now resides abroad, I decided to call back after a couple of days. After confirming he saw the doctor and was okay, we exchanged pleasantries, and I dropped the call. A few minutes later, I received a message from him expressing his heartfelt appreciation for calling him that morning. It didn't seem like a normal 'thank you for calling' message, and it made me think about the burden of loneliness when one is retired and aged.

Every time I travelled abroad and drove or walked past a retirement home or nursing home for the elderly, I always wondered why we do not have old people's homes in Nigeria. I always felt the retirement home was a good idea because the aged would be well cared for and won't be lonely. How ignorant I was.

Loneliness, I have come to realise, is not the absence of people around you. Rather, it is the absence of connection between you and your loved ones. Loneliness is more emotional than physical. For many, at old age, the biggest challenge is not physical but emotional struggle that comes from loneliness. When you get old, how certain are you that a loved one will visit you?

What sort of relationships are you building with your children? When they all grow up and travel out of the country, would they look forward to visiting you back home with their kids? How often you take time out to be with your children will determine how often they would take time out to visit you when you are aged and alone.

Remember that neighbours, sunday-sunday church members, and domestic staff can't replace the warmth of family and friends (including classmates and colleagues) built over the years. Invest in building strong relationships now. Spend less time chasing money and material things, and give more time to making meaningful connections. Five real friends are better than 5,000 social media friends and followers who will never visit you. The most important connection you can make today is to stay connected to the Vine (John 15:5).

Stay hopeful. God's got our back.

Happy Easter!

......Just the thoughts of a certain Wey Mey

CONTINUE WITH YOUR WORK O

 

I was thinking this morning.... Days ago, I stepped out to take a walk within the estate. Two streets away, I observed a teenage boy locked in conversation with a young girl in front of her house. As I got closer, I looked at the girl straight in her eyes and she immediately said with a shaky voice 'gu gu good morning sir,' like someone caught with her hand in the cookie jar. I immediately knew what was going on.

As I walked away, I remembered my days as a teenager in the late 80s. I was at the age where boys were boys and were testing their girls' toasting skills. In one of our evening girls scouting rendezvous, one of us approached a young lady and was delivering his lines with all diligence, while the rest of us stood aside. Suddenly, the girl sighted her dad walking towards them and ducked. The young man immediately took dressing, bent down, and pretended to be doing something meaningful. 

As the girl's father came close, he looked straight at the young man and said, in a very rich yoruba accent, "Dooh. Continue with your work oo. Continue with your work." Before the young man could respond to what he thought was an appreciation and encouragement from an ignorant man, the next statement shocked him. The girl's father concluded, "Continue with your work. Be chasing my daughter." Our guy froze while the rest of us laughed out loud.

That day, I learnt a lesson not to second guess people. Wait for them to land before you assume you know what they have in mind. Many times, we think we know what people want to say even before they say it. We might even believe we have the gift of mind reading. Meanwhile, na over sabi dey worry us. No wonder Warri man says, 'Na over sabi make husband call im wife mummy.'

As I became a father, I understood the folly of children and teenagers thinking they are playing an adult, not realising the adult can see right through their acts long before they even started. That they didn't say anything does not imply they are ignorant. After all, no be eye wey dem take chop eba dem take dey share meat. There are things you handle with wisdom. The bible in Proverbs 3:5-6 cautioned against being overconfident or presumptuous. Be wise.

Stay hopeful. God's got our back.

Happy Sunday!

......Just the thoughts of a certain Wey Mey

THE NIGHT TRAFFIC TAUGHT ME A LESSON

 

I was thinking this morning.... Lagos, in South West Nigeria, is notorious for its traffic, but the traffic jam of last Wednesday was unprecedented. It had rained heavily that morning before I set out from Lekki to VI. Due to the anticipated flood and closure of Independence Bridge, I decided on what I thought was best, rely on Google Maps. Halfway into the trip, the heavens opened, and the rains poured again. Traffic had built up, and Google Maps diverted me towards Bar beach. I drove on partially flooded roads besides Section 1 of the Lagos-Calabar Coastal Highway still under construction.

After driving to where I thought was the end, I noticed the connection back to the main road had been fenced off, but Google Maps was not aware. As I made a U-turn back to where I started, I understood the proverb that says, "Pastor wey dey pray for mad person no dey close eye." I should have known that too few cars on that back road was a red flag. I eventually got to VI after 3 hours, and I thought my nightmare was over. I was so wrong.

Having completed by business at VI, I thought about by return trip. Before I set out back home at about 7 p.m., I decided to give Google Maps a second chance. Instead of turning left towards Eko Hotel, Google Maps directed me to turn right towards Bonny Camp, with the traffic indicating blue all the way to Lekki. I had not driven 100m when I ran into a traffic jam like I had never before experienced. Every junction was a mad house. The two-lane road had become four. Military personnel were driving in the opposite direction. In the end, we were all stuck and going nowhere. As I wondered how we got here, I recalled the proverb, "Do you know who I am? Do you know who I am?..Na so hold up take dey start."

After about 5 hours, I had covered a modest distance of 1km. I brought out my phone and checked on Google Maps one more time. The roads were still blue. It was then it dawned on me that Google Maps did not anticipate a zero movement traffic, so it interpreted it as the roads being free of traffic. Chai! Google Maps had put me in one chance twice in one day. This time, I was not too angry because "Person wey don faint before no be stranger to death."

Though the traffic was gruelling, I kept hoping it would clear up, and I would zoom all the way home. When it was past midnight, I estimated that if I continued in that path, I won't get home till 5 am. Accepting that I had made the wrong move, again, I decided to make a u-turn. I had literally lived the proverb, "E go beta, e go beta, na im make camel still dey carry load."

After making a u-turn again, against the direction of Google Maps, I made a left turn and was expecting a clear path. Alas, a reckless driver had left his lane and was driving against the oncoming vehicles. He drove to where I was with nowhere to go. Before I could scream at his madness, I saw a military man walk to him and commanded him to reverse back immediately. Without argument, he reversed. I realised the driver had learnt the lesson that, "You no need fork and knife to chop slap."

I eventually got home by 1.30 am, thanks to my decision to turn back. I later understood that those who continued on the path Google Maps recommended did not get out of the traffic till about 4.30 am. Despite the loads of lessons I learnt from that experience, I knew it was just a bad day for me. Like they say, "Cockroach wey jam fowl, jam bad luck."

Many have wondered why people still live in Lagos after such terrible experiences with traffic. I thought about it myself, and the only answer I could come up with is, "Pikin wey wan chop party rice, no dey fear dance." Psalms 34:19 comes to mind.

Stay hopeful. God's got our back.

Happy Sunday!

......Just the thoughts of a certain Wey Mey