Saturday 29 February 2020

Next of Skin but not Next of Kin



I was thinking this morning..... about Next of Skin sorry Next of Kin. A couple of days ago, there was a Knowledge Sharing session where I work, on Wills and Estate Planning and it elicited discussions amongst us in our work space. We all agreed that while most male staff will include their wives and children in their wills, the career females will hardly put their husbands as the main beneficiary of their will. When I got home that evening I pondered a bit more on the reason why and stumbled on the comment of one Gorcas Sarkozy on social media where she said, 'I once worked in an organisation where I had access to people's files. One of the things I noticed that disturbs me to date is that 99% of married women wrote their children, parents and siblings as NEXT OF KIN. But 100% of married men wrote their wives as NEXT OF KIN.' She concluded by asking 'Why does this happen? What am I missing? Is it that women don't trust their husbands or they are just being mean?' Hmm!!!


While the submission of Gorcas cannot be substantiated, it may not be far from the truth. As I reflected on both the Will and Next of Kin scenarios, I asked, what is really driving this behaviour? I can understand husbands not being the main beneficiary of the will of their wives, but don't understand why he will not be her next of kin. In my confusion, I consulted Google and found out that Next of Kin (NOK) has no legal definition in the United Kingdom meaning an individual can nominate any other individual as their NOK.

If you think about it, 'next of kin' sounds like 'next of skin' to me. If a couple could spend the better part of their lives lying skin to skin in bed, I really do not understand why they won't be each other's next of kin. Moreso, because the status of next-of-kin does not in any way imply that they stand to inherit any of the individual's estate in the event of their death. 

So, if a woman can't nominate her husband as NOK, what do you expect when it comes to her will that outlines who to inherit her hard earned money and properties? In the words of Omawumi 'if you ask me, na who I go ask.' I think it borders on trust deficit. Most men will trust their wives to give utmost care to their children in the event of an untimely death and will therefore will his asset to her and the children. But most working and successful women believe that should she die untimely, their husbands will in a short time marry another woman and enjoy her wealth, sometimes abandoning their children if the new wife is of the mould we see in Nollywood movies. 

I may not know the real reasons why a woman will decide not to put her husband as NOK and exclude him from her will, because it varies from one person to another, but what I know is that any man in this position should be worried and should do everything possible to earn the trust of his wife. My final take is that if you can trust a man or woman enough to be your next of skin, why won't that person be your next of kin? Ecclesiastes 4:9 says 'Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.'

Happy Sunday.

......Just the thoughts of a certain Wey Mey. 

Saturday 22 February 2020

Marriage Election



I was thinking this morning..... about election. This past week I read an interesting news from Giade, Bauchi State of one Khadija that fell in love with two young men named Inusa and Ibrahim. She found it difficult to choose who between them to marry and neither of the young men was ready to accept defeat without a contest. The elders of the town, at Khadija's request, then decided to conduct an election, which Inusa won having scored the highest number of votes. He was therefore declared 'Husband-Elect.' Interesting, right?


As I pondered on the news story, I wondered why Khadija and the elders of Giade decided on an election in this season when the Nigeria Supreme Court is overturning the outcomes of elections like elections are accursed. Why didn't they consider other traditional methods of deciding between two options like tossing a coin or clutching the two options in both hands and singing 'Tubu tubu baskelebe iya amala pun, amala amala pun pun.....' But in my area of Warri in those days, our version is 'Tubu tubu mess am, akarakara mess am, Ubaloshe banuwe....' Hmm!!! If you know, you know.

For many Nigerians, elections have become a conundrum because all our elections are marred with ballot box snatching, vote buying, over-voting, violence and outright manipulation of results. For Khadija, in spite of all, she believed in election in the truest form and it worked for her.

Khadija, having seen the sham election has become in Nigeria, could've opted for a more scientific approach of selecting her husband. She could have engaged a consultant to research both Inusa and Ibrahim and request a water-tight recommendation be made on who she should marry or she could have applied the US Iowa Democratic Caucus approach backed up by technology. But no, she opted for the less complicated Option A4. Unlike in Iowa where technology failed and it took days to announce the results, Khadija got her 'Husband-elect' in minutes.

I am thinking, why can't we all make election in Nigeria as simple and workable as that which produced the 'Husband-elect' for Khadija? We can even learn from Khadija and use the election approach to resolve some other dilemmas we face. For example, your child is due for college and you had narrowed your choice to two schools. How do you choose? Gather your family together and do an election. You got into a shop to buy a pair of shoes. Two pairs caught your fancy. What do you do if you can't afford both pairs? Gather everyone in the shop and do an election. Khadija used an election to overcome her dilemma and she got her 'Husband-elect.'

We need more Khadijas in Nigeria that still believe election should be simple and it should work. Election was designed to work and we must play our part to make it work. Romans 9:11 (ESV) says 'Though they were not yet born and had done nothing either good or bad—in order that God's purpose of election might continue, not because of works but because of him who calls.' There is always a purpose for election, whether by man or by God and like Khadija if we make it work, Nigeria will be a better place. Remember, you may not be a Husband-elect or Governor-elect but you can be God's elect.

Happy Sunday. 


.....Just the thoughts of a certain Wey Mey. 

Saturday 15 February 2020

An Appeal to Coronavirus



I was thinking this morning....about Coronavirus. Should it visit us in Nigeria or not? During this past week, I was drafted into a workstream to put together a preparedness plan in response to the threat of the Novel Coronavirus. As we deliberated, I wondered why we are bothering ourselves because the Nigeria Minister of Health had announced that Nigeria is ready for the virus. Choi!


As a typical Warri boy, I am surprised that there is so much noise about this Corona virus. Why is the Corona virus behaving like an 'ogbologbo?' Afterall Corona is not new in Nigeria. We already have Corona Schools in Lagos and Toyota Corona cars in Nigeria. Is it because it is from China that it is raising shoulders? Bursted! We already know say China products no dey last. 

But seriously, the World Health Organization (WHO) is contributing to the scaremongering, by declaring the outbreak of the novel coronavirus a public health emergency of international concern. Haba!!! If they are worried about other countries, they shouldn't lose sleep about Nigeria because our Health Minister has declared that we are ready for the virus.

It has been reported that the number of confirmed cases in mainland China has more than quadrupled to close to 60,000. As at yesterday morning, more than 1,523 people had died from the virus. And the media will not let us hear word. Can you imagine? Only 2.5% death and they are panicking. Our Minister says we are ready to receive the virus and he is right. Didn't you see how we dealt with the Lassa fever virus? According to Nigeria Centre for Disease Control (NCDC), in this new wave of Lassa fever outbreak, we have recorded 472 confirmed cases with only 70 deaths. A mere 15% mortality rate. Corona virus, please come, our Health Minister says we are ready for you.

People are worried that we do not have the infrastructure to manage the virus should it visit. Yes, China built two new 1000 beds hospitals in 8 days. Is that an achievement? We can build a 10 bed hospital in only 8 years, just two terms. Afterall, according to Chartered Institute of Project Management, the total value of abandoned projects in Nigeria stands at a mere N12 trillion. Our Health Minister says a whooping N680 million has been voted to fight the Coronavirus. The sum is so big that even though we know that N650 million will be stolen from it, the balance N30 million will still be enough to protect 200 million Nigerians. If the N30m is not enough to build hospitals, it can buy face masks. Abi? Please, Corona virus come, our Health Minister says we are ready for you.

Coronavirus, in this season of love, our Health Minister may love you enough to say he is ready for you. For the rest of us, there is no love lost. My appeal is that when you come, please go straight to those government officials that have stolen the funds meant for healthcare and other infrastructure and not the common man. As for me and my family, we are holding unto the words of Exodus 15:26 "I will put none of these diseases upon thee, which I have brought upon the Egyptians (or Chinese): for I am the LORD that healeth thee." After visiting these special Nigerians inviting you, please find your way back because the rest of Nigeria is not ready for you.

Happy Sunday.

......Just the thoughts of a certain Wey Mey.

Saturday 1 February 2020

Little Beginning to Great Ending



I was thinking this morning.... about little beginnings. I remember clearly that Sunday morning 11th January 2015. In one 'AHA!' moment while in church, a thought crossed my mind which I decided to pen down later on, not to anyone in particular but on Facebook. I had written after the service 'While in church this morning, two seemingly similar words came to my mind, INVISIBLE and INVINCIBLE.' I poured out my thought and went quiet on Facebook until the next Sunday, 18th January 2015, when I penned another thought, this time beginning with 'I was thinking today.' That was the birth of the 'I was thinking this morning...' series. 

I continued my musing every Sunday morning with more of my Facebook friends liking and commenting on my posts. Then the Nostradamus' amongst them woke up. One of them commented, 'You should consider writing a book (with a possibility of series) from your weekly thoughts.' In my typical Warri response, I was like 'Shuoo! To write book no be beans o. Who una think say I be na? Wole Soyinka?' I didn't give it a second thought but decided to let time tell. Somehow, I found this grace to keep thinking and posting on Sunday mornings even when I was in far away nations with a huge time difference with Nigeria. 

I started with one article, continued thinking and writing every Sunday and have not missed a Sunday in the last 5 years. Wow! Next Saturday 8th February 2020, BTGOG, I will be unveiling the first in the 'Thoughts of a Certain Wey Mey' book series. This volume being a compilation of a selection of 75 articles written between 2016 and 2018. As I looked back, I discovered this journey gave me an unscripted commitment to a cause that I love. I have not been as consistent in anything I have done in all my life like I have been in penning down my thoughts on Sunday mornings in the last 5 years. If I have learnt anything during this period, it is to respect humble beginnings and stay consistent because you never know what the future holds.

Someone had told me that Solomon in all his splendour, riches and exploits is best remembered by the three books he wrote; Proverbs, Ecclesiastes and Songs of Solomon. I am sure he did not wake up and decided to just write these books, he probably started by writing down the wisdom nuggets God has blessed him with. Similarly, if you take that first step and keep on with it, you will be amazed how great it might turn out in future. Zechariah 4:10 (NLT) says 'Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin' Take that little step today and stay committed because only the disciplined ones achieve result. Let the work begin!

Happy Sunday.

......Just the thoughts of a certain Wey Mey.