Sunday 8 April 2018

The Exploits of Monkeys

Exploit of Monkey
I was thinking this morning .... about monkeys. While growing up in Warri, we usually will play football in the smallest of open spaces in our compound with goal posts that we call 'monkey posts.' I never thought for a moment why it was called 'monkey post.' Why was it not called 'dog post' or 'pussycat post?' No one explained the reason why.

As I grew up and got more educated, I started wondering why most phrases about monkeys always depict something negative. I however began to see reason after recent news on the exploits of monkeys. It started with the story of how Senator Abdullahi Adamu (Nasarawa-APC) was removed as chairman Northern Senators Forum, when he couldn't account for N70 million belonging to the group, claiming the money was carted away by monkeys in a farm house. Then last Monday, I read the news of a monkey in India snatching a 16-day-old baby and dropping the baby in a well. While still digesting the news, I read another news headline in the Daily Trust on Tuesday 3rd April that 'Monkeys now steal food in Lagos Community.' I had questioned, 'what is annoying these monkeys that they are stealing foods, money and babies? Is there recession in the forest as well?' These monkeys are really audacious, no wonder they are having it tough in English Language. Generally, in English, being called a monkey or invoking one connotes silliness or foolishness,  but can also mean aggravation, environmental terrorism and cold.

As I pondered on the exploits of monkeys and their place in English, I recalled a recent experience I had while waiting at a DHL office in Lagos to process a document. A service that should otherwise take less than 5mins per person took much longer due to inefficient staff. After waiting for  over 4 hours and many more customers coming in, there were over a hundred of us cramped in a small hall. As I wondered why no one was ready to leave in spite of the unacceptable condition, it dawned on me that we were in a type of 'Monkey house.' Monkey house has been used as a slang for prisons.

In my frustration, I decided to read the news and was unlucky to be presented with the stupid jaw-jaw between APC and PDP on who the looters of our commonwealth are. How can our sensibilities be so insulted by these politicians because another election is by the corner? Left to me, all of them will be cooling off in jail. As I wondered why Nigerians have to be subjected to this level of stupidity by politicians, I realized that they are all involved in 'Monkey business' (fooling around or any form of mischievous behavior.) Considering that out of the 24 APC governors today, 22 of them were members of PDP that ruled in the last 16 years, and 20 former PDP governors are now leaders in APC, I will be a monkey's uncle to believe that APC is different from PDP.

Trust me, I am tired of monkey stories and I beg you to be forthright and not behave like the typical Nigerian politician, because Proverbs 11:3 says, 'The integrity of the upright guides them, but the crookedness of the treacherous destroys them.' I have therefore decided to go to church this morning dressed in a fine Italian jacket rather than a 'monkey jacket.'

Happy Sunday.

......Just the thoughts of a certain Wey Mey.

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