Scoring a Goal

Scoring a goal

I was thinking this morning... about achieving goals. The much anticipated second leg Champions league matches between Liverpool and Manchester City, Barcelona and Roma and Real Madrid and Juventus were simply breathtaking. Liverpool, Barcelona and Real Madrid all went into the second leg with a three goal advantage, meaning it will only take a miracle for their opposition to overturn the deficit.

 

Against all odds, Roma did the magic, Real Madrid was given the biggest fright of all their European life and as for Liverpool versus Manchester City, when the match finally began, within two minutes, Manchester City had scored and their fans were optimistic that they will overcome the odds. Thy battled the for the next 43 minutes without the ball finding the net of their opponent. At this point, the commentator said, 'the most difficult thing to do in a football match is to score a goal.'

 

Initially the statement seems like a no-brainer to me, but as I thought about it, I realized it was simple but profound. I wondered why it was easier to score in a basketball game than football even though the basket is a lot smaller than the goal post. If you are outside and watching a football match, you wonder why they can't just kick the ball through the post considering the goal keeper is less than 20% the area of the post. But when you are in, then you will agree that 'the most difficult thing to do in a football match is to score a goal.' It is not the dribbling, throwing or kicking the ball towards the goal, it is putting the ball into the net that is most difficult.

 

I recalled in October 2014, when Nigerians were bemoaning the paltry electricity we generate, Babatunde Raji Fashola had boasted that it was not rocket science to generate electricity and that if given the opportunity he will double generation in 6 months. Everyone believed this man can capture lightening in a bottle and was willing to give him a chance. Fashola was vigorously warming up by the side, eager to get into the pitch. When he eventually went into the field of play in 2015 as Super Minister in charge of Power, Housing and Works, everyone expected instant performance like Mo Salah or Ronaldo, but three years on, he has since realized that 'the most difficult thing to do in a football match is to score a goal.'

 

I have discovered that life is like a football match. You sometimes see an empty post ahead of you, you dribble like Messi, huff and puff like Buffon, you can even have the best player like Ronaldo in your team, but you still discover that the most difficult thing to do in a football match is o score a goal. Scoring is difficult because there is an opposition with no other job than to prevent you from scoring. Sometimes, without opposition, you can be calamitous in front of goal like Arsenal strikers (apologies to Arsenal fans) or Raheem Sterling's miss-of-the-season in Manchester City's 1-1 draw at Burnley, justifying the saying that the most difficult thing to do in a football match is to score a goal.

 

On this day, my prayer is that you will score all the life goals you have been praying and working so hard to score, because Psalms 108:13 says, 'With God on our side, we will win.'

 

Happy Sunday.

 

.....Just the thoughts of a certain Wey Mey.

The Exploits of Monkeys

Exploit of Monkey

I was thinking this morning .... about monkeys. While growing up in Warri, we usually will play football in the smallest of open spaces in our compound with goal posts that we call 'monkey posts.' I never thought for a moment why it was called 'monkey post.' Why was it not called 'dog post' or 'pussycat post?' No one explained the reason why.

As I grew up and got more educated, I started wondering why most phrases about monkeys always depict something negative. I however began to see reason after recent news on the exploits of monkeys. It started with the story of how Senator Abdullahi Adamu (Nasarawa-APC) was removed as chairman Northern Senators Forum, when he couldn't account for N70 million belonging to the group, claiming the money was carted away by monkeys in a farm house. Then last Monday, I read the news of a monkey in India snatching a 16-day-old baby and dropping the baby in a well. While still digesting the news, I read another news headline in the Daily Trust on Tuesday 3rd April that 'Monkeys now steal food in Lagos Community.' I had questioned, 'what is annoying these monkeys that they are stealing foods, money and babies? Is there recession in the forest as well?' These monkeys are really audacious, no wonder they are having it tough in English Language. Generally, in English, being called a monkey or invoking one connotes silliness or foolishness,  but can also mean aggravation, environmental terrorism and cold.

As I pondered on the exploits of monkeys and their place in English, I recalled a recent experience I had while waiting at a DHL office in Lagos to process a document. A service that should otherwise take less than 5mins per person took much longer due to inefficient staff. After waiting for  over 4 hours and many more customers coming in, there were over a hundred of us cramped in a small hall. As I wondered why no one was ready to leave in spite of the unacceptable condition, it dawned on me that we were in a type of 'Monkey house.' Monkey house has been used as a slang for prisons.

In my frustration, I decided to read the news and was unlucky to be presented with the stupid jaw-jaw between APC and PDP on who the looters of our commonwealth are. How can our sensibilities be so insulted by these politicians because another election is by the corner? Left to me, all of them will be cooling off in jail. As I wondered why Nigerians have to be subjected to this level of stupidity by politicians, I realized that they are all involved in 'Monkey business' (fooling around or any form of mischievous behavior.) Considering that out of the 24 APC governors today, 22 of them were members of PDP that ruled in the last 16 years, and 20 former PDP governors are now leaders in APC, I will be a monkey's uncle to believe that APC is different from PDP.

Trust me, I am tired of monkey stories and I beg you to be forthright and not behave like the typical Nigerian politician, because Proverbs 11:3 says, 'The integrity of the upright guides them, but the crookedness of the treacherous destroys them.' I have therefore decided to go to church this morning dressed in a fine Italian jacket rather than a 'monkey jacket.'

Happy Sunday.

......Just the thoughts of a certain Wey Mey.

Sins of Saints

Sins of saints

I was thinking this morning... about the sins of saints. Last weekend, I read a tweet by Shehu Sani, the senator representing Kaduna Central, to PMB. It said, Dear Baba, Nature has not endowed the faeces of saints with fragrance. It's time to measure the moral cholesterol of members of your cabinet so as to know those still fit and deserving of a space in your sententious court.' While I am not interested in the political aspect of the tweet, the idiom 'Nature has not endowed the faeces of saints with fragrance' literally dragged me into introspective reflection.

I immediately recalled an experience I had a while back. I am paid to improve the health and safety culture of everyone in my risk area. I breathe and eat HSE, telling everyone at every opportunity to work safely, drive safely and even eat safely. In short, when I am seen outside of work, many will call me 'Oga safety.' One day I was driving in town with my right hand on the steering wheel and left hand holding my phone to my ear. Suddenly, a commercial bus drove by my side and sitting by the window was a colleague, a contractor personnel, who knows nothing about me but safety. She shook her head in disappointment and reminded me not to use my phone when driving. I felt ashamed. At that point, it doesn't matter how sanctimonious I have been concerning safety, I had poo-ed and it stank. It stank because nature has not endowed the faeces of saints with fragrance.

Do you remember how as parents you tell your children that lying is a sin? You teach it, preach it and even reach out to your pastor to help pass the message. Then entered this guy leeching on you. He had asked you for money, you obliged. He came again with another story, and you lend a helping hand. Then he called a third time and you told yourself it's time to become a member of #ourmumudondo. You decided not to attend to him again. The guy showed up at your house and without thinking, you tell your son to tell him you are not at home. Your boy, who sees you as a saint, without the faintest idea of what the circumstance is, froze, wondering how that can be. It dawned on you that you had goofed and can't explain this off. You know why? Because nature has not endowed the faeces of saints with fragrance.

As I held on to this idiom, I remembered Judas. He was a close confidant of Jesus and was even put in charge of the treasury. Many around the disciples probably saw him as a saint, until the day he poo-ed by betraying his master for money, and it sure did not smell like Creed Aventus perfume. The reason? Nature has not endowed the faeces of saints with fragrance.

But all things work together for good, the Bible says. If Judas had not betrayed Jesus, we will not be celebrating resurrection today. So, as you take on leadership responsibilities at home, work or church, remember to stay clean and not defecate because nature has not endowed the faeces of saints with fragrance.

Happy Easter.

......Just the thoughts of a certain Wey Mey.

Of Birth Control and Death Patrol

Shidu Parent

I was thinking this morning.... about the increasing number of 'shidus' in Nigeria. I am not talking about 'Chiedu' or 'Shittu' but 'shidu.' I am sure you are saying, 'what on earth is shidu?' Stay with me please. I was thinking about the senseless killings going on across the country. From Edo to Benue to Kogi to Plateau to Taraba to Zamfara, it is one bloodshed after another. It is like death literally patrolling from one community to another, one state to another. Even as it seems Nigerians have  become numb to the deaths, my escape tactics was to avoid the news. But one news headline about the killings in Plateau state last week caught my attention, 'Father recounts ordeal: How herdsmen killed my three children, including twin boys.' With a heavy heart, I wondered what this man who has lost all his children will be referred to.

 

Think about it. When a man loses his wife, he is called a widower, when a woman loses her husband, she is called a widow, when a child loses his/her parents, he or she is called an orphan, but what special name do you call parents that have lost their children? Should they still be called parents even though they do not have the children with them anymore or should they be called childless?

 

But why is there no special name for parents that have lost their only child or all their children? My thinking is that it is because it is not expected that parents should bury their children. It is anathema. As I wondered, I found out that a new word has just been introduced into English from Chinese and that word is 'shidu.' Shidu is a phenomenon denoting the loss of a parent's only child. Wikipedia explain that parents who have lost their only child are known as 'shidu fumu' in China.

 

China introduced the one child policy in 1979 to control their population and according to the Chinese government, 400 million births were prevented. While they may have achieved their objective, they did not reckon that many parents could lose their only child for different reasons. Hence, by 2010, they had about one million shidu parents. As I thought about the shidu phenomenon, I started suspecting, by the actions and inactions of our government, that they may be using this senseless killings as a form of population  control. Otherwise, how can one explain the lack of action to stop the cycle of violence. Rather, the President is blaming some 'powerful people.' While China is preventing birth, Nigeria is promoting death. Hmm!!! While the Chinese birth control created shidu parents, the Nigeria death patrol is creating orphans, widows and shidu parents. See our sense?

 

As depressing as the situation may seem, one thing I know is that these merchants of death creating shidu parents will not go unpunished, because Prov 6:17 says God hates the hands that shed innocent blood.

Happy Sunday.

.....Just the thoughts of a certain Wey Mey.

Of Caregivers and Caretakers

Caretaker Vs Caregiver

I was thinking this morning... about Caregivers and Caretakers. If you were not conscripted into the '8 to5' army arrangement (popularly called 30 days make a pay), you may not understand how I felt last week. After a high-octane day at the office, feeling so cool that I have justified my pay for the day and even deserving of a raise, I got back home drained. While taking a much desired rest, I read the news that over 700 doctors and medical students in Quebec Canada were protesting against the huge benefits noticeable in their pay. They demanded a cut in pay to ensure care is given to other societal needs. The news reminded me of Genesis 33:9 'And Esau said, I have enough, my brother; keep that thou hast unto thyself.' My reflective submission was thumbs up for #Ihaveenough.

I can understand if one refuses a gratuitous offer, but can't understand someone refusing the benefit for which he had worked so hard. I was thinking, why is it that it is only the doctors pushing for #Ihaveenough? What about the engineers and taxi drivers in Canada? Oh, I can see why now. It is probably because doctors are trained to be caregivers, therefore their reason for the protest was 'to ensure care is given to other societal needs.' Hmm!!! #Ihaveenough.

But wait a minute. Are Nigerian doctors not caregivers? Why is it that all we hear around here are, doctors on strike because one allowance has not been paid or salary is too small? Are they caregivers or caretakers? Even though the dictionary says caregiver and caretaker are somewhat synonymous, to me caregivers care about others, while caretakers focus on themselves. If you have ever been a tenant in a compound with a caretaker, you will understand my definition. #Ihaveenough.

I recalled the news last week of 53 Policemen serving in the Presidential Villa, Abuja, protesting over their unpaid Risk Caution Allowances since 2015, when they were posted to the Presidency. I wondered if the occupants of Aso Rock are caregivers or caretakers. I believe they are caretakers, withholding the meager allowances of these policemen and budgeting over N300 million for foodstuffs and N100 million for kitchen utensils such as forks and knives. When will Nigeria 'ogas' say #Ihaveenough and divert any further increase in their pay and allowances to their security and domestic staff? #Ihaveenough.

In Nigeria, it might have been debatable to state that the National Assembly members are the biggest caretakers we have. They were elected to be caregivers for all Nigerians, but with a monthly allowance of over N13 million, it is apt to say they are caretakers, taking away what belongs to all Nigerians. #Ihaveenough.

While I am currently examining myself if I am a caretaker or a caregiver, one thing I know is that for many Nigerian doctors that believe in 'grab everything available,' Quebec will definitely be struck off their destination list. #Ihaveenough.

Happy Sunday.

....Just the thoughts of a certain Wey Mey.

Children are Issues

Children are Issues

I was thinking this morning.... about issues. No, no, I have no issues and yes I have issues. Am I confused? Maybe. I was in church last Sunday when a couple came forward to give a testimony. The lady said, 'My husband and I have been married for several years without any issue....' To a non-Nigerian and a non-bible student, that statement will likely connote something good, but for a typical Nigerian and a bible student, it is negative. Matthew 22:25 says, 'Now there were with us seven brethren; and the first, when he had married a wife, deceased, and having no issue, left his wife to his brother.' As the couple continued with their testimony, my thinking generator was activated like the popular 'I better pass my neighbor' generator in a 'Face-me-I-face-you' apartment in Mushin. 'Why is a child referred to as 'an issue?'

 

I immediately google the word 'issue' to try to understand the several meanings. The very common meanings were 'an important topic or problem,' 'personal problems or difficulties' and 'a series of publications.' But somewhere at the bottom of the list was the legal meaning used in genealogy and wills, where 'issue' refers to a person's lineal descendants (children of one's own.) Now I understand that though the actions of some Nigerians seem to indicate that we  are lineal descendants of savages, there are a few bright spots of knowledge.

 

My mind is fixated on why children will be referred to as issues. Could it be because some see children as problems or because they are churned out like series of magazines? Whatever the reason is, one thing is clear, everyone's children are their issues.

 

Think about it. Though it is common in Nigeria to hear someone say, 'I have no issue,' I have not heard anyone say, 'This is my issue Toyin' or 'These are my issues John and Janet.' But rather they say, 'This is my son John.' Hmm!!!

 

With that understanding, I realized that there were many topical issues in the past few weeks in Nigeria. While one of the issues of PMB returned from medical treatment in Germany to a grand welcome by top government functionaries, the issues of the governors of Kano and Oyo states were tying the knot with the President and 20 governors in attendance. All these happened at a period when 110 female issues from Dapchi were abducted by Boko Haram. Dearis God! The reason why the issues of the rich and the poor are treated differently in Nigeria is an issue for another day.

 

Of a truth, we have issues, but we have to move on. Remember, when you go to church today, please go along with your issues.

Happy Sunday.

....Just the thoughts of a certain Wey Mey.

Fighting Principalities

Principality Stadium

I was thinking this morning.... about Principality. Yes, Principality. But before you start binding, please hear my reason. As I drove into the office Monday morning with work on my mind, listening to the Morning Sports Drive on 92.3 FM, the presenter spoke about the upcoming fight between Anthony Joshua and Joseph Parker. Since boxing is not my thing, I gave the news no much thought until it was mentioned that the fight will take place at the 'Principality Stadium' in Wales. 'Principality Stadium' ke? 'Why would a Joshua and a Joseph choose to fight in the arena for principalities?' I had thought. I recalled that stadium fire of 1958 in England that caused the death of 56 spectators. Could that have been caused by the principality at the stadium?

 

It seems ironic that Joseph and Joshua will ignore 'Stadium of Lights' of Sunderland FC or even 'St Mary's Stadium' in Southampton both in England and chose 'Principality Stadium.' As I wondered if really the stadium was meant for principalities, I found out that the stadium is the national stadium of Wales, located in Cardiff and was originally called The Millennium Stadium until 2016 when it was renamed 'Principality Stadium' after Welsh Rugby Union announced a 10-year sponsorship deal with the Principality Building Society.

 

While I care not if a Building Society calls itself Principality, it takes a whole new meaning if a stadium is called Principality Stadium. Little wonder, that because SC Rheindorf Altach stadium in Austria, named after a sports betting brand is called 'Cashpoint Arena,' it was rumored that you need a pin number to get access to the stadium. What about the 'Bargain Booze Stadium' of Witton Albion in England, named after a discount alcohol brand? They got so drunk and couldn't sustain the name beyond a couple of seasons.

 

But why do we interpret a name with the simple and sometimes singular understanding we have without checking? The only understanding I had of 'principality' is what the Bible says in Ephesians 6:12, 'For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.' Therefore to most people, principality is synonymous with dark powers. So my initial thought of Joshua and Joseph fighting at the 'Principality Stadium' had a spiritual connotation, until I discovered that 'Principality' also means 'the territory, jurisdiction or state ruled by a prince.'

 

With that understanding, it dawned on me that with so many Nigerians having the prefix 'Prince' before their names, we must be a nation of principalities. So, the next time you set out to war against 'principalities,' be certain you are doing so with understanding.

Happy Sunday.

.....Just the thoughts of a certain Wey Mey.